I actually began to look forward to discovering things about my depression and anxiety, and how to help me cope with the symptoms. Also, we started to delve into what the root causes were. And also, how to manage any future panic attacks.
Journal Entry ~ 9.7.14
Devo: Philippians 4 : 6-9
Father’s Peace with Us
Anxiety -> Pr@y + Plead to Father + Thanksgiving -> Ask Father = PEACE in hearts and mind (through the Son)
Think about: TRUTH, NOBLE, RIGHT, PURE, LOVELY, ADMIRABLE, EXCELLENT, PRAISEWORTHY
Put into practice what I have experienced from Father. –> Father’s peace will be with me.
Talk about timing. I’m doing ODB while we are here in Thailand. My mind is a little ‘all over the place’ and can be a struggle to focus, but I really feel like we have such a great devotion every morning. It really brings me joy. This peace that is spoken of in these verses comes from confidence that the Father loves us and is in control. He alone provides comfort that settles our nerves, fills our minds with hope and allows us to relax even in the midst of changes and challenges.
Replace anxiety with expectant trust and grateful prayer. Trust the Father – He answers pr@yer.
I feel like I do understand this and believe it, but why am I still experiencing what I feel? Why are my physical symptoms not a reflection of this? It’s so frustrating.
I want to know Father better through this experience. I know it is not about coincidence, but about his plan for my growth. I know this for sure.
Today’s counselling session was actually really good. Dr has started to probe around the events of stress and associated symptoms that followed. Still trying to figure it all out. The two episodes of shortness of breath, heart palpitations and difficulty swallowing were actually panic attacks, triggered by anxiety or stress. One happened while watching Transformers 4 (not a scary movie – haha) and the other before class at the crowded bus stop and on the bus. At least now I know and understand that feeling like that is actually an anxiety attack. What a relief! I honestly thought I was dying from a heart attack or anaphylactic shock. Such a relief and gives me an idea of what to look out for if I have another one in future.
He also told me how to manage the attacks in future. He told me to admit to myself (talk to myself, if need be) that I’m having a panic attack. That it doesn’t feel good. That it feels terrible. That I’m not dying. That it is only temporary and will be over in 10 – 20 minutes. He also said that when I see people in movies or whatever breathe into a paper bag when they are hyperventilating, that it actually helps them to even out their carbon dioxide and oxygen levels. Which was just so helpful! But, very unlikely that I will have a paper bag on me during those times. So, I need to take slow, even, deep breaths.
Today, we talked about our stress, work – friends – church. Also mentioned the break-in and related violated feeling that it brought up. Dr thinks that my depression actually started (most likely) from then. It was like the first big traumatic event, late last year. Club/M stress and burdens -> also outlined a bit of the stress brought on by some of the meetings we had in our recent trip back.
I feel like some progress is being made in the sessions. We are definitely exploring things that have been on our minds much more.