After things really started to look positive for me, whilst undergoing counselling in Chiang Mai, I was starting to be less emotional, more thoughtful and was able to really sit down and process where I was at.
It brought some things to my attention that disturbed me, but also gave me some discussion points for further sessions.
Journal Entry ~ 15.7.14
Just talking with hubby about how we are going with the sessions and how i’m feeling currently. He initiated this chat, which I thought was pretty great.
Three things that I’ve noticed for myself that are pretty big changes to my character/personality:
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I’ve become less extroverted and more introverted over the months. I avoid social gatherings at times. I don’t want to share with others. I avoid talking. Wanted to be at home (apartment) a lot.
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Becoming more unreasonable? Not sure how to explain this right. I guess, not being as flexible as I used to be. Worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about. Like getting very easily upset, angry or frustrated when things do not go the way I would want. Maybe getting more sensitive? Getting frustrated and upset with myself very often and quickly over trivial things.
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Not wanting to make decisions on things. Like dinner, or trivial small matters. Whereas in the past, I did not mind. I know that Hubby doesn’t like to make those decisions, so I feel like doing it would be OK for me as I don’t mind. Having someone else decide is easier. I feel like having to decide and plan something, like dinner, is too exhausting.
Dr said changes are normal in someone with depression. Personality changes can be very difficult to cope with, let alone the person going through it. Dr also said that depression can cause divorce in this way, because it remains undetected or not treated. So, I’m to look for big changes in my character and behaviour. But I also need to be careful to not put too much pressure on myself to return things to how they were, to not force myself to be back to my usual self right away.
Also, with my introverted current self, I need to try and attend good social gatherings that make me happy and if I don’t feel comfortable, or too stressed by the environment or situation, to not force it upon myself. It’s okay to not be doing all of the social events now. Dr also mentioned that a ‘healthy extrovert’ will exercise introversion at times. This was comforting to me.
